Updated: Jan 28
At times it’s easy to resent the people/things that happened to us. The negative experiences that have caused pain and trauma. So much so that they still bother us today. But, in some ways, those events were beneficial.
Don’t get me wrong, the things that have occurred in my past were terrible and I wouldn’t want anyone to go through them. I also know that they were extremely painful to deal with at the time and continue to effect me now. However, I wouldn’t change anything about them. Why? Because although I don’t fully agree with the saying “everything happens for a reason” I do believe that those things had to occur in some ways to lead me here and towards the path of who I really am. These experiences have taught me, opened me, allowed me to break away from things that weren’t me.
And yes they’re difficult, I hate the memories that plague my mind daily, the past is essentially the reason I now have the issues I have. But despite that, I don’t fully blame it. It was how I reacted and responded to these things and have continued to dwell and be haunted by them now that’s the real problem. There seems to be something within my past that keeps me stuck and focused on it. And I guess I’m yet to figure it out, which is very frustrating. Or maybe my beliefs aren’t allowing me to recognise what I already know? But that’s another topic entirely. Crazy how everything is so intertwined, just a big system of connecting links that lead back to the root.
The point is it’s brought me here. In both good and bad ways. But I wouldn’t change it. In being broken down, chewed apart and spat out, I’ve found myself. And life is a journey so you’re never really finished discovering and creating yourself. But i know this is the right path. I still have a lot of work to do, breaking negative patterns of thought and behaviour, pushing through with my OCD before I’m totally on the correct path. But I’m on my way, making steps, slowly moving forward.
So don’t see a troubled past as completely bad. Don’t be angry at it, that is a waste of energy. Accept what occurred, and how it’s lead you here. Use those experiences to your advantage. Decide who you are, it’s solely up to you.